Hello Trouble

My working dog turned indoor pampered pet has been having cabin fever, and who am I to lie, so have I. Today with everything that is going on at the house and farm I decided to take advantage of being tied to a cellphone, stuck on the farm and an overcast day to head outside and do some weeding and prep in what were the strawberry beds.

I say what were because, well these beds stopped holding strawberries two seasons ago. Two years ago Dad had the great idea to use these raised beds for blackberries but the same fate found them that had awaited the strawberries. My cats loved lounging in them and waiting for the Blue jays and Mocking birds that came down to pick at the fruit and the bugs that were drawn to it. Since I don’t like using chemicals unless I have to, and building a wire screen also kept ME from walking by and popping a fresh berry in my mouth, once the frost hit, these beds were forgotten only to find next spring they had been covered by soaking Milo buckets, potting supplies and the electric fence Dad had threatened the bed with but I put my foot down about it.

The beds also had two things that I can’t stand. Poison Ivy and East Texas Fire Ants.

Now it use to be if I got poison ivy I would just have blisters in that area, but now it is like the stuff goes on my body’s superhighway and travels to places via my blood stream. It takes oral steroids and shots of cortisone to treat it now and I have to get it early or the affected area expands rapidly.

Fire ants? They suck. I can remember stories of me as a toddler, just starting to walk and being outside with my family. I stumbled and fell…right in the only fire ant mound in our yard. Seems this has come full circle now, thirty plus years later and I’m still finding fire ant mounds. I’ve tried that trick of taking fire ants from different mounds and battling them against each other. I think our Texas fire ants are smarter than that. Like they have mini belt buckles that say Bubba or tiny John Deere or Lone Star Feed hats. Regardless, I’m looking for a solution to my fire ant problem that doesn’t involve moving from Texas. Maybe I do need to try chemical means…then again maybe I should lose the joy of dirt under my fingernails and wear gloves.

Got a suggestion for me? Hit me up in my comments.

Till Next Time…

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Mother’s Day, The Backside of Thirty and Better Living Through Chemical Means

Mother’s Day has always been hard on me. I guess having a mom who loved her own mother more than she loved being one does that to you. It also doesn’t help when you sometimes have to share the celebration. What can I say, I’m greedy some times and want my own cake.

Yet now that I have over 10 years without a mom it is different, and still it isn’t. Having my birthday that close to a reminder that she will never be here for the important milestones in my life makes me glamorize the loss that much more.

It would be lovely to think that she would go overboard planning a wedding or a baby shower. She’d hug me and tell me how proud she was of me, of what I had become.

The reality is my mother had a mean streak and was jealous of the females in Dad’s life, all the females, including his daughters. While it might be nice to think the storybook fair tale things would happen, the reality would probably be more about her, locations she couldn’t be at, the foods she loved but could only have at special occasions…Her Her Her Her Her.

So this Mother’s Day I’m not only grieving the loss of the mom I had, but the mom I wanted and since I now find myself on the backside of 30, I am starting to think I’ll get to grieve never being a mother at all.

Maybe that is for the best. My job is intense and crazy on the best of days. My near 70 year-old father is trying to out Heff, Heff and…

And I realize that after two years on Lexapro, one dosage increase and a doctors appointment for a follow up coming just days away, that I will probably always need this medicine, or something like it. At times the anxiety is so bad that it busts through my 20mg of better living through chemical means, other times when I’m crying in the middle of the bed I wonder if there are enough chemical compounds in the world to get me through the shit my family is doing. Times like that I pull away…

I pull away from it all, answer only what I have to, do only what I must until I stop feeling like I’m about to bust out of my skin. Dad has finally started listening to me when I say something about MY business. The phrase “Because it is mine and I say so..” has also come from my mouth a time or two. I’m finding the confidence that I had been lacking to stand up to my dad.

I guess I finally see that although my life isn’t perfect, it is my life and I’m not going to have someone Britney Spears me when I’ve done nothing to deserve it.

Heaven help us all, TJ has found her voice and her soapbox to stand up to Daddy. May God have mercy on his old soul, because I won’t if he pushes me far enough. It is time for me to do me.

Trying to Blog Udder Brilliance (Second Attempt)

Don’t you just hate it when you type a blog and then forget to save it?

I blame Iron Chef Michael Symon on Chopped All Stars for distracting me. Then again it could be the storm raging outside. 😦

So instead of trying to remember all the udder brilliance, (Haha, cow joke by a farm girl!) I’m going to post this instead.

Between micro poetry on my twitter account, a long fanfic piece for one of my character and the storm I’m going to cut myself a break and enjoy the rest of my Sunday night. I hope you do the same.

Till Next Time…

Joys of Being a Farmer

My farmhand called in sick this morning from his half day with a sick kid so my plans of hitting the grocery and hardware stores early were stopped before they could be started.

I had a battle with insomnia last night and didn’t end up asleep till 3 am and walking around on a farm semi conscious just never works out well.

Luckily reinforcements arrived about the time I twisted my ankle but not before the goose egg on my forehead.

Going to prop my foot up in a chair and revamp my lists for Monday while I hope my ankle cooperates.

I’d promise a longer post later but after four hours sleep I’ll be lucky to get my ending typed before I konk out.

Till next ti…Zzzzz

Love Letter to my Phone

Dear Blackberry,

I know I often mistreat you, dropping you on the ground, threatening to run you down the garbage disposal and yes sometimes sticking you in my bra when I don’t have pockets but it is days like today that I’m thankful to have you.

You see right now I’m laying in bed, surrounded by furbabies and knocking out my Blogathon post so I don’t feel so lazy about enjoying a rare occurrence. Sure I have friends and business contacts messaging me while I write this but it is better/quicker than all those dreaded phone calls. While I know I cursed your existence this morning when the farm called with an alarm I hope you know that was just me being angry that my dream of Iron Chef Michael Symon was interrupted. (Purrs)

Sure it feels like sometimes I’m ignored as a blackberry owner by the application designers but like Bethenny Frankle I don’t see my love affair with you ending any time soon, especially if you ignore my cheating on you with the Kindle Fire. *blushes*

I will eventually give you a list of my favorite applications and why but for now, I have furbabies to snuggle.

Till Next Time…

May Days and Plans for Planting

May is always busy on a farm. Hay season is under way, grass is looking greener on the other side of the fence that the cows jump or break and usually it is the first opportunity I have to do something in my yard in the post-tax exhaustion. This year it is a little different.

I had to file an extension for the first time in my life for not only my taxes but for all of the taxes. Dad’s normal neediness and passive aggressive attempts at making my life as hard as it can be bent me so that I had to make this call. (Please notice I said bent not broke…I’m stronger than that…maybe!)

There is another distinction though. Last year the East Texas drought just kicked the lands ass and many farmers’ as well. I have 6 huge live oak trees that had to be cut down in my yard and 10 more that need to be cut. It just hurts to see things change that much around here. The other part of that is with the water situation I didn’t feel comfortable using what resources we had on trees/flowers/shrubs so I had to take a hands off approach and if it lived it lived. (In all fairness I also had DOF (Dear Old Fart aka Daddy) recovering from back surgery in my home. There wasn’t time for gardening of any type past a certain point.)

So part of what I hope to accomplish this month is to at least start the recovery to my yard. I have a few ideas of how to reuse some items that would have been tossed as scrap and success or failure I’m posting pictures because if it doesn’t work I hope one of you out there reading this will help me find a solution.

I’m also going to try to find my Handbook of North American Species and find native plants in the wild that I can transplant.

Most importantly I’m going to try to do all of this, including buying a new outdoor grill for under $750 in additional money being spent. That may be a totally unrealistic number considering how huge my yard is and I’ll probably have to adjust both the budget and my expectations along the way, but I’ll keep you informed.

Till Next Time…