Sounds macabre doesn’t it? It is crazy to say it is simultaneous the best and worst club I have ever belonged to. Worst because the membership requirements are pretty obvious, but the best because you don’t feel alone anymore.
I love Grey’s Anatomy, and I can remember the show when George’s father died and Christina welcomed him in to the Dead Fathers Club. I can remember getting it and not understanding what the outrage was other people felt. Of course I didn’t get THAT club, because my father was very much alive, but I did get “it” because I had been a member of the mom version for what felt like eternity.
I remember during all the coverage of the Royal wedding and they talked about how William still felt the loss of his mother on Mother’s Day, still had such an ability to sway his mood and they were shocked. I wasn’t, that is me as well, 10 years, 20 years who knows, maybe it will change if I have kids of my own, then again it may never change. Still I know, I have a close group of friends beside be ready for hugs and comfort when something happens and I want my mom.
I was fairly young when I lost my mom. I had graduated college, gotten my first “real” job and was on the verge of moving in my first house when she got sick. (Actually she went in to see the doctor the day after I moved my stuff.)
In the months to come would be highs and lows and emotional roller coasters that would make any soap opera proud, but it was my life. I was lucky, I had 2 very good friends whom I worked with standing by my side but they hadn’t been though it, not yet. In the next 6 months one would lose her elderly mother, one would lose her father and we would start a missing parents club complete with things to pick one or the other up occasionally and lunches where we could commiserate without feeling judged.
Within a year my best friend of 20 years joined the DMC, Martha was an adopted mom to me as well, luckily she and my mom conspired in heaven on what would see their two daughters through this, and after much trying and a couple of miscarriages, my BFF was pregnant.
Aside from the obvious joy and delight the news brought, it also came with sadness. Neither of our mothers would see this child, wouldn’t hold her or spoil her rotten. Dawn went through a time of immense guilt, she felt that her mother’s aneurism was exacerbated by her working extra long hours after she recovered from her latest miscarriage. I can remember holding her while she cried and my tears joined hers. Despite the doctors warnings and cautions one night sadness lead to consoling each other between a husband and a wife and little Martha came to being.
Since the original group began, we have unfortunately welcomed more members to the club, we have tried to make each milestone special, we have carried people when they couldn’t walk themselves and we have survived.
Please don’t think us avoiding commercials, songs and get-togethers during certain times has anything to do with us having a ‘bad’ mother, if anything we’re blessed to have ones who’s memory stays strong and as such, we remember them always, and especially today.