Journal 4/25/2011 (originally posted on that date to txmoonbaby.tumblr.com)

20th floor of a hotel is not the place you want to be in the middle of severe weather with 50mph winds. I could feel the building sway and even as high as we were it still seemed that things were hitting the window, probably picked up off nearby rooftops.

Roman had the night off from Fangtasia but had siezed the opportunity to take care of some other business. I don’t know, I didn’t ask, who says women are too nosy.

So I was alone in the hotel room, I could have shut the curtains and ignored what was going on outside but, as much as storms terrify me, their beauty is unquestionable. I went to the couch to turn on the TV and watched some network crap while hoping for break ins from Channel 3’s hottie Joe Haynes. (Now there’s a running partner Roman would need to worry about. Rawr!)

I don’t know when storms began to bother me. I can remember laying in bed and counting to see how far away they were by the time between lightening and the thunder. Mom had told me that trick. She also told me that there was no reason to stay awake during a storm, she’d watch them for me and if I needed to be up, she’d wake me.

Then Mom died, I don’t know that I have slept through a storm since then, at least not many. Doesn’t matter if the storm is minor or like this one, having multiple tornadoes in it, I stay awake for them all. It’s like if I can just be awake I can somehow change things and strangely enough sometime I feel like I do.

Ok, yeah that is the sleeplessness talking. There is no way that a plain Jane…er Jo like me could ever do that right?

I look back at the tv and I see they have let the tornado watches expire. It is after 1am and I’m exhausted but I can’t sleep yet. I have to take a shower and wash the fear off of me. It is like I can smell it. I’m glad that Roman didn’t feel it through the bond and come rushing back to me in this mess.

Would he laugh to think of me worrying about him driving in a storm? That I stay awake with the radar on the computer sometimes while he rests?

I don’t need to look at a calendar to know that Mother’s day is coming. My emotions do it for me. Sadness, anger, worry, regret, they all tend to flare up as the day gets closer. Roman seemed so annoyed when he told me he didn’t have feelings, how can I explain to him that is what I’m most envious of, the thing I crave most.

I finally finish up and with one last glance at the tv I turn it off and crawl in to bed. I still may not sleep but at least I can rest. I’ll feel better when Roman is beside me. The monkey doesn’t work anymore and I wasn’t desperate enough to call Kiki or Warren, God only knows how Ro would have reacted to that.

And that was my last thought before drifting off to sleep. Dreams of myself, fire and ice were the theme for the night.
I’m really hoping that didn’t have anything to do with Roman and Warren. That is a complication I just don’t need right now….err make that ever.

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About TXMoonbaby

Farmgirl, caregiver, furmommy and try-to-be-writer who floods Twitter with the antics of the characters in my head, like @TammyJo__.

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