April 15, 2010 Sleepless in Shreveport

(Miranda’s voice)

I wake with a start and look around me, eyes immediately going to Aidan sleeping in his crib.  The last few nights have been mostly sleepless for me, the disagreement with myself and Wesley finally taking it’s toll on me.  I don’t know if I understand Wesley’s reasons, but I can say I don’t agree with them at all.

I’m not one who cares about social standing and outward appearances, I think who a person is on the inside is more important than the façade that they project.  That is 180 degrees from Wesley.  To him and the pack outward appearances and social standing are everything, literally.  It is how they remain in power, keep from being attacked and garner support.

What the hell was I thinking ever getting involved with a werewolf?  Could I have picked a more territorial and possessive person for my life mate?  I guess I shouldn’t complain too much, he has agreed to let me stay here in Louisiana under certain “conditions”.

Those conditions just piss me off and I can’t help it.  Sure I understand that they are meant to protect Aidan and myself, but damn it, I can protect us just fine.

Can’t I?

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April 12, 2010 So it begins…

(Miranda’s Voice)

Waking up and seeing Wesley sleeping beside me with Aidan curled up on his chest, lulled by his steady breathing and the precession drumming of his heart, I’m transported to another time, a happier one before all of the bullshit and misunderstandings got in the way…

Wes was my best friend, he literally saved my life before I was strong enough to save myself.  He was my original knight in shinning armor and tried to turn into my Prince Charming, but time has dulled the shine on us.

What is it that causes the end of a relationship?  What forces the people involved to flee or cling?  Is it the fear of the unknown?  The longing for the familiar?  Pure stubbornness?  Some mixed up concoction of it all?

Yes, I am the one who fled.  The restrictions and demands along with the expectations were too confining for me.  I couldn’t breathe.  Wesley wanted to save me from everything, but he couldn’t save me from him and he can’t save me from myself.

I’ve grown into my own, and there are still things I need to learn, but I am capable of saving myself at least a majority of the time.  I don’t need or want to be put on a pedestal and I’m no damn damsel in distress.  Screw Rapunzel letting down her hair, I’m refusing to be trapped in the tower in the first place.  Maybe that is the reason the shine has gone from the one who longs to be my prince, because I no longer believe in the fairytale.

I’m no longer that 16 year old girl he saved.  Hell, I’m not even the 21 year old he married a few years ago.
I don’t deserve to be put on his pedestal and a gilded cage is still a cage…but how do I explain that to Wes?